How Important Could This Call Be?

The other night as I was leaving work and heading to my car, I couldn't help but notice a woman standing in the middle of the street.

The way she's slightly leaning forward, as if she's straining, I'm thinking she might have hurt herself or maybe dropped something important into the street (wallet, money, etc). It's dark, so I strain my eyes to see a little better. I even start veering towards her in case I decide to offer help.

As I get closer, I realize that this is not a woman straining to find her $50 bill in the street. She's trying to hear something on her CELL PHONE. Stopped. In the middle of the effing street, deeply engaged in a conversation.

It took everything in me not to pull up to her and lay on my horn. Everything.

But I Read on the Internet...

Seriously, people. What did you do before the internet to find medical advice? Why do people think that anything they read on the internet must be true and they should take it for hard fact??

No, drinking olive oil with lemon juice and vinegar will not dissolve your kidney stones.

It does, however, make an incredible salad dressing.

Substitute, But Don't Substitute

I get a script today from a dermatologist, who often writes for pain meds and antibiotic for certain procedures.

Today, he wrote for "generic Tylenol #3" and checked the May Not Substitute box.

Sigh.

It's an EMERGENCY! Well, sort of.

Customer calls in frantically to refill some seizure meds, saying that she ran out and it's an EMERGENCY! From the tone of her voice, I can see that she's worried. I tell her I'll get them ready right away and ask her if she's on her way.

Her response? "Oh, it'll take me at least an hour to make it down there."

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy. Some emergency!

Show and Tell

Today's favorite post from another blog, by The Bus Driver.

Cell Phone Holster

Please, people. The crevice between your buttcrack and the elastic band of your booty shorts is NOT an appropriate holster for your cell phone.

Remember, that thing gets pressed against your face later!

Nasty!

I would have taken a picture for you all, but it took me so long to snap out of the initial shock that I didn't get my camera phone out in time. For someone with a cell phone in her buttcrack, she sure moved fast! ::Shaking head::

Get Thee to a Nunnery

A woman wearing gold crosses and "Jesus Loves Me" pins from head to toe comes in for her prescriptions. She's ticked because the nurse who calls in her prescriptions never leaves additional refills on her meds, and proceeds to say "Jesus Christ" about 5 times, and not in a prayer-like manner.

Nothing like a devout Christian using the Lord's name in vain.

Maybe I'm Old Fashioned...

Will someone tell these celebrities that having babies is not a trend??

BIRTH CONTROL, PEOPLE. BIRTH CONTROL.

Some highlights of my evening...

- A man asking me for an OTC recommendation for a HUGE open wound on his arm (it was clearly infected). When I told him it was infected and he needed to see a doctor, he said he refused. Okay, good luck with that.

- A frantic mother with her litter of kids, tearing up my waiting area while she picked up anti-anxiety meds. Later, discovered a half-eaten donut from her child on the counter.

- Lady calls asking if the sodium content in her beverage would have a negative effect on her BP. After answering, she proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation, basically with herself, while I was on the line. Everything from how certain foods exacerbate her GERD, to how she hates that she's aging, to telling me about her middle-aged son who lives out of state, to how she hates herself - that's H-A-T-E, but not to the point that she hears voices (???WTF???). I finally had to interrupt and say, "I'm sorry, is there anything else I can answer for you? A doctor is waiting to give me a prescription on the other line."

Her response? "OH! Is he single?!"

Done and DONE. Good night. I hope I win the frickin' lottery, I can't do this for 20 more years.

I'm Speechless

I suppose this is old news, but I can't stop laughing at this.

Money Ain't A Thang

Me: There's a coupon for X amount off of your next purchase at the bottom of your receipt.

Mr. Richie Rich: Just throw it away, I don't need it.

When did it become so easy for people to throw money away? Sure, this is an upscale suburb with wealthy people, but you're not going to save money if you can?

I don't care how much money you make, or how fabulous you think you are...you are a FOOL if you don't understand - or appreciate - the value of a dollar. Douchebag.

Show and Tell

I've gotta share this with you guys. This is one of my favorite blogs, and Dr. Grumpy is one of my heroes.

This is a hilarious post about some compelling research. It's a must read!

Tourette's, NOS

A lovely little woman comes to the counter and wants to buy a few OTC items. Everything about the transaction was normal - she places them on the counter, cue friendly greeting, I scan the items and announce the total - until she begins her payment.

"I'm gonna use DEBIT!" she shouts, in a harsh voice. Not a raised voice, an actual bark.

"Okay, great!" I say, attempting to appear unphased. She actually sounds mad, but it's clear she is not, as she is smiling the entire time.

"SLIDE CARD!!!!...SELECT PAYMENT TYPE!...DEBIT!...CASH BACK - NO!...PROCESSING!"

This continued on until her payment was complete. And then, in the most calm and collected manner, she said, "Thank you so very much. And your hair is lovely," and strolled away.

Question of the Day

My "friend" took some Klonopin, and then smoked marijuana. Is she going to die?

Ummm...I think that's just the paranoia kicking in.

One day, you will be old, too.

I'm waiting in line at Starbucks the other day, and there's this sweet elderly woman in front of us. She's taking quite a while to decide on what to drink and cashier isn't being all too helpful with ordering the drink. After wrapping up with her order and payment, the pissy cashier rolls her eyes and lets out an irritated sigh as the customer walks away.

Now, having worked with many elderly people in pharmacy, I can definitely identify with this frustration. You're busy, the line is long, and your patience starts to run thin. But I NEVER, EVER roll my eyes. You know why? Because someday, I'm going to be old too. Believe me, I've spent upwards of 10 minutes on the phone with an elderly woman just to take some refill numbers down. Try it with an elderly person who also can't speak English very well: oooone (1), seben (7), sic (6), pour (4), ssserrro (0). No, wait - I missed a number. Let me start over again.

But just because they aren't as fast as you and don't speak English as well as you doesn't mean they don't deserve the same level of service as the tween who knows she wants a Grande Nonfat Caramel Frappucino.

I wanted to reach across the counter and slap some pretty onto this girl's face, because heaven knows her fugly, Rachel Dratch-lookin face needs it. Someone once told me that you need one of two things to be successful in life: beauty or brains. I'd like to add another to that list - it's called NOT being a miserable person. One day, Starbucks girl, you will be old, too. And you'll be ugly, stupid, and miserable. So you LOSE! You LOSE at the game of LIFE!

Next time I go in there, I'm going to order the Venti triple-shot, two-pump-sugar-free, Cinnamon Dolce no-foam, extra-hot LATTE. Roll your eyes at THAT!

Now, see. Look at what you made me do. Now I sound like a jerk.

DOUCHE!